Last weekend was not the best. It started Thursday with the 7th anniversary of 9-11. I remember where I was on that day in 2001. I was fixing breakfast for Christina and me and listening to the radio - WLS in Chicago. The morning show hosts found a friend in New York City who lived close enough to the World Trade Center to have a good view of the buildings. They were describing the smoke from the first plane - which everyone thought was some sort of terrible accident - when they saw the second plane fly in. I remember hearing the terror in their voices as they screamed, "Oh no! Another plane just hit it!"
My oldest girl, now a freshman in high school, was getting ready to go to school. I looked down at her and said, "Sizi, I think you should go turn the TV on, this might be a lot for you to see, but I think this is a day you'll remember all your life." I remember the sick feeling of helplessness we had as we watched, and heard other horrifying news reports of the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania where a plane was brought down by a hero who prayed the Lord's prayer with a telephone operator and whose last recorded words were, "Let's roll!"
As I held my baby boy this past Thursday, I couldn't help but wondering what will happen in his childhood - in our lifetime, or in his lifetime.
Saturday, my Buckeyes lost to USC. You win some, and you lose some, but we only scored a field goal!?!?!
On Sunday afternoon I was preparing for a class I'm teaching as part of the youth group. It's a class on worship, and I am giving them a quick overview of worship through the Bible. Along the way, we're learning hymns and praise songs and I am giving them a little bit of background information on the circumstances in which they were written. About six weeks ago I came across a song video on ccli, I believe. It was a new song from Hillsong United about how Jesus is our Healer. The worship leader, a songwriter names Michael, introduced his song with the beautiful passage from Isaiah about Jesus bearing our iniquities and healing us with His stripes. Then this great song was sung with the chorus, "I believe You're my Healer." Michael wears oxygen tubes as he sings, and it's powerful.
My wife had to have some help breathing when her heart was in distress, and seeing him needing help breathing was a powerful picture for me.
This song video had suddenly become hard to find on the internet, and while I was searching for it, I ran across news stories that said that indeed Michael did not have the cancer he claimed to have. Instead, he was covering up an addiction to pornographic images that was wreaking havoc in his body. Could that itself be the judgment of God?
I was disgusted, disturbed, and bewildered as I saw these news stories unfold the story of a worship pastor caught living a lie. What a tragedy, and what a feeling of utter helplessness.
Earlier this week, I discovered that a great Christian artist whose music ministered to me at many times in my life, has "come out" and announced that he is gay. Apparently, he says that he feels closer to God now that he has quit hating himself. Is the first step to holiness happiness with our sin? Are we supposed to be happy about where we are in order to get closer to Jesus?
Again, a feeling of total helplessness... and yet a great sense of loss.
Early on Sunday morning, when some friends began needling me about the embarrassing performance of my Buckeyes the day before, I quoted Romans 8:37... then I realized that, even though I was being funny about my team, it's so true as I considered the feelings of helplessness I felt on 9-11, Sunday, and earlier this week...
"No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."
May He receive praise!
